I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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