"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
