Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize