what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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