I wish I could teleport
Ambien. No doubt about it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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