the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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