"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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