just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
