I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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