Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
