very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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