I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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