in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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