i just google imaged poop.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
