just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize