I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
