Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
