If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my being single is dangerous.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
