they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
