you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
