At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
