i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
