my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
