I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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