I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
