dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
