I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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