Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
