I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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