you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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