allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
