What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize