probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I didn't notice because vodka
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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