You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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