I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
