Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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