is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
