how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
