i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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