I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
