Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I intend to get homeless drunk
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
