Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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