thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sext me about skeletons
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
