Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
