youre lurking in front of me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
