I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
