New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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