I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
