I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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