The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
