You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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