u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
