hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
