2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
