I hate your face
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
