I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
