Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
