I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
