My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My pussy is not your playground.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
